Eric was sentenced to 4 months in jail and 5 years probation after that.

I arrived at court at 9:30. Court was scheduled for 9:00am. My case finally came up at around 11:30am. Before it was my turn I puked. I was so nervous. I read my statement with no tears but a little trembling of the voice. After I was done and had sat down I cried a little. Then the lawyers did their stuff. Vicki (attorney and very nice lady) had told me that it was a fifty fifty chance that he would either go to jail or get probation so I was prepared. The judge sentenced him to 4 months in jail and 5 years of probation. She explained to me why and I understood that that was what she had to do. I still would have liked him to be put away forever though. On the way out, Eric's mother, Cleo Letford called me a Bitch. My reaction was so slow. I didn't even hear Melanie (my adoptive mother) tell her that was not necessary at all. As I was still registering what she had just said to me I slowly turned to her and said "Did you just call me a bitch" I said it very slowly still in shock. After I said that I was pushed out of the court room by Vicki and Melanie. Other wise I would have jumped her. I was reacting way too slowly. I walk out in tears and Joel a reporter asks me a question. I told him not right now I need a cigarette. It was VERY bad timing. After I was smoking he asked me some more questions. I gave him my phone number and said I would talk to him more after I had calmed down more.

He's doing a story on me and it will come out in STL post dispatch MAYBE on Tuesday. I gave him permission to use my name and a picture of me.

Here is links to the other news articles of Eric Letfords case stuff.

[link]

[link]

As always,
fawning over Draco and Ginny,

~bigreader~

I have Court today and I'm nervous as can be. I woke up in a panic all in a tizzy. My body felt cold as ice as I reached for my inhaler my breath getting colder as each second went by. I reached the inhaler and took a big puff, nothing, it felt like nothing as I was able to stop coughing. Now my panic attack has worsened with the epinephrine inside my inhaler. I look around wildly and my stomach growls at me angrily, threatening to empty its contents. I dress my self but still panic is at the front making it hard to stop shaking and put the clothes on. I wonder if I'll have enough gas to get there, or back. The cats are hungry as can be and they are excited, they think I have food to feed them. They are wrong, I am broke and can not even feed myself. I worry about money constantly and with the upcoming court date that is today its a wonder that I'm still alive today.


Well, off to go to Court. Wish me luck people. May Eric Letford be put in Jail for the rest of his sorry days

This is the statement:

Your honor, it has been twelve years since I was molested. Twelve years of torment. When you go back to an old house or a babysitter you are supposed to reminisce of good times. When I go into St. Peters all I can think of is what happened to me. I didn't learn about sex from my parents. I learned about it from Letford. I learned I had a hole from Letford. I remember my exact feelings after it happened. I was so confused and I was hurt. To this day I am still confused and while I no longer feel pain physically it is in my heart, my head and always constant. While I'm not sure about any one else's happenings with this subject I know that my main question is why. I would like to know why any one would want to touch a little girl, or a little boy. I would like to know what goes on in that twisted brain. I would like to know how he can say that it was for my sexual gratification. I was seven years old. I did not show any interest in boys at that age. I feel ashamed of myself for not stepping up to the plate and telling people and the police about it earlier. I wonder how many children have been hurt by this man, because I did not tell my story earlier. It hurts my heart to know that the day care has been running ever since I left. I think about what would happen should he leave jail. I think about my god children and I see red thinking about what could happen to them and what happened to me. This man is a danger to the community. While he may not have a car or any means of transportation he could still be in contact with children. There is a park very near his house a park that is in use by children. If he does not go to jail and only gets probation then I fear that he won't have learnt his lesson at all. I fear that he will think the punishment is not too much and do it again. I want him to be put away in jail for ever. So I can be absolutely sure that this will never happen to another child ever again. That's the only way I can be sure. When I see his face my stomach churns and I see everything that happened twelve years ago all over in my head. I still remember what he said to me right after he did it. He said. "Danni I'm sorry, but you can't tell any one. I could go to jail." After that day Letford wasn't my friend any longer. My friend at the day care, Danielle had always hated him and we both bad mouthed him together after that. I'm sure in my heart that he touched her also. If he doesn't go to jail or even stay in jail what is to stop him from touching a child again. What is to stop him from luring a child away from a play ground to touch them? A piece of paper? It would be against the law for him to ignore the piece of paper telling him that he is to not be in contact with me or my family or children in general. It is also against the law to touch children but he did that. Lawyers have said that it was only one occurrence that and that should mean that he should not have as much punishment. I say a one time occurrence is more than enough. I know in my heart also that it wasn't a once time occurrence, maybe with me but so many other children have been to that day care. Danielle's hatred of him convinces me, my experience tells me that he'd do again if he had the chance. If he doesn't stay in jail he'll have more chances and more children might be hurt. Every day I think about what happened to me, and I want him to be punished for it. I want him to be punished for it every day that he spends in jail. I want him to feel the torment and anguish that goes on in my head every day.

As always,
fawning over Draco and Ginny,

~bigreader~

I am so excited. I sold my first drawing today...on accident! I was sitting at Mannwell's today and I decided to draw this lady sitting by the brick wall. I was pretty sure she noticed me looking at her but she didn't say anything or start moving a lot or get flustered, which is what most people do when they notice some one is attempting to draw them. I drew for about ten minutes and then I was pretty satisfied. I wanted her name so I asked the owner of the cafe if she knew what the lady's name was. She said no but she picked up my drawing and said "Lets find out." She took the drawing over to the lady and discovered her name was Gail. I wrote her name down on the paper and then Gail asked me if I was an art student. I said no, and that I just liked to Draw. She asked me if I would like to get paid to draw and I said "Well yes-" She then asked me how much I wanted for the portrait of her. I started to stutter and she opened her wallet and produced a ten dollar bill. She said "How about ten dollars?" I said sure, okay! That was that, boom, I had just sold my first drawing!

Happiness!

As always,
fawning over Draco and Ginny,

~bigreader~

I'm ready now

Last time I posted was the day before the appt. It is now the day after the appt. I said I didn't know if I was ready to give up my dad. Well, I've figured it out. I am ready to give up my father. I no longer have any reason at all to call him Dad. From now on I will call him Jay.

Here's what happened. I told him all of the things that he'd done wrong and he interrupted me 3 times after being told repeatedly not to interrupt. I told him that I had gained a complex about being a slut. I told him that I thought it was very insensitive to laugh and say it might have been my ex-boyfriend that put the condom on my doorknob. He knew I had to have been crazy with panic when he said that to me. I told him that he told me as a child that it was wrong to cry. I said that he spouts shit about me to my brother and the family. I said that my biggest problem with him is that he said he didn't trust me with my brother. I then said, "Now you can talk"

This is what he said in generalized terms. He said he didn't trust me with my brother because I always have bite marks on my arms from me and Katen. I said to him "What bite marks? do you see any bite marks?" He said well not right now- I cut him off saying that it's been years since that. He also said that I spray deodorant at passing cars and that I go to Walmart and spray peoples butts. He kept calling me a little brat and was getting progressively louder in his verbal abuse. He said "This is gonna be short here" I said "You want to leave, go ahead and leave I don't want you here any more." He immediatley got up and walked towards the door. While he was walking I said by the way I'm legally disowning you.

After that he said "And ya know what? Some one put a condom on your doorknob because you're a slut." He got even louder and almost hit me. I kept yelling at him to go away. He finally did. I made sure that he didn't destroy my car when he left and I cried a lot afterwards.

After that day is today. Heres what happened today.

Today

A collection agency calls me and asks for Jay Conway. Now take into account that I just recently acquired this phone and the only way for the collection agency to have it is for Jay to leave it with them. I ask for her name and she tells me Yolanda. I asked her where she works and she was refusing to tell me and then she hung up without another word when I informed her that Jay was my biological father. A little while later she calls back and says she had technical difficulties with her phone and did not want me to think that she hung up on me. I explained to her that this was my private phone and I did not live with Jay nor was I talking to Jay. I explained to her that I was in the process of legally disowning Jay. She told me that she was a collection agency and all of that stuff.

After that I called Marti (Jay's wife) and told her that I apoligize for the way things are turning out and that I would still be coming over to see Dustin and such. I also told her that since apparently their money situation is going down the drain that I don't expect them to feed me and that I never did. (Jay said in the appt. that he hadn't been able to give Dustin milk for the past three days because they were short on money) I told her some of what Jay had said to me in the appt. to help her understand a little better what was going on because I'm sure that he hadn't told her the truth about what he said to me.

Later on today Jay called me from his cell phone. I hadn't recognized the number or else I wouldn't have picked up. He called to say that he hadn't give the collection agency my phone number and didn't know why they were calling for him anyway. He asked me to confirm that they said his name and I did. He also said that I was no longer allowed to call Dustin on the phone because he now 0% trusts me and he didn't know what I would say to my brother He said that I am allowed to come over however and see him. He told me that he didn't mean to be hurtful with the things he said I cut him off and said "Oh yeah and thats why you called me a slut Dad, really. Just SHUT UP!" I hung up on him immediately after saying shut up.

I will not come over to that house with out mace. I trust Jay about as far as I can throw him. I can't throw him via I don't trust him at all.


ON ANOTHER NOTE

I had a dream last night that Joe came back and asked for me back and I said yes and then I bashed Tiffany's head in with a pipe. There was blood every where. I also had a very very satisfying cigarette.

End of Journal Entry.

As always,
fawning over Draco and Ginny,

~bigreader~

April 27th

I feel like Life is taking a big ole shit on me right now.

Here is a list of what is going on right now

Police Investigation
Homework overload
Gas Prices
Depression
I feel like Dad has turned my brother against me
Dustin Hartmann is back in town
Relationship problems
Money problems (I'm pretty much starving)
Mom's 401k missing?
Dad's appt
Back pains
Panic and anxiety attacks
Job findings
Memory has worsened
Best friend is having major problems with her life too!
No cigarettes!

Right now I'm stressing over the appt. with my father. I don't think he's going to even try to attempt to be my father. I don't think he's going to admit he's wrong, and I do think he's going to try and turn it all around on me and make me feel like a horrible person, daughter, and sister.

Trouble is, I don't know if I am ready to give up my Dad. My logical part says if he doesn't want to be my father he doesn't have to but my heart just kind of sits there and pulses angrily. I don't know what to do.

Monday is going to be soo busy. I've got a chiropractor appt at 8:00AM. The appt. with my Dad at 9:30AM. The Nurse Practitioner appt. at 11:00AM. Class at 1:20PM. Hanging out with Katen after 4:00PM.

Katen is awesome but she won't be able to be there for me if the appt. with my father goes wrong. She'll be in school. I'm soo stressed out right now and I don't have any crutch's. I can't cut, I can't smoke, I just don't know what to do. Soo many people would be SO ANGRY at me if I cut myself but I really want to.

I'm not going to cut myself. I'm stronger than that.

Anyway. Gots to get back to work.

As always,
fawning over Draco and Ginny,

~bigreader~